The Fahrenheit temperature scale for Geordies
50 Degrees:
People in the southern England turn on the central heating
People in Newcastle plant out bedding plants
40 Degrees:
Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Geordies sunbathe on the beach at Whitley Bay
35 Degrees:
Cars in the south of England refuse to start
People in Newcastle drive with their windows down
20 Degrees:
Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats
Newcastle men throw on a T-shirt and girls start wearing mini-skirts
15 Degrees:
Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent
People from Newcastle swim in the North Sea at Amble
Zero Degrees:
Life in the South grinds to a halt
Newcastle folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold
Minus 10 Degrees:
Life in the South ceases to exist
People in Newcastle throw on a light jacket
Minus 80 Degrees:
Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on
Boy scouts in Newcastle start wearing their long trousers
Minus 100 degrees:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
People in Newcastle put on their long johns
Minus 173 Degrees:
Alcohol freezes
Geordies get upset because all the pubs are shut
Minus 297 Degrees:
Microbial life starts to disappear
The cows on the Town Moor complain about the farmers with cold hands
Minus 450 Degrees:
All atomic motion stops
Newcastle folk stamp their feet and blow on their hands
Minus 500 Degrees:
Hell freezes over
Sunderland qualify for Europe
